I want to make a zoo with you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
