she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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