Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
