and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
