my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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