Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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