I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
