I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
