so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
