I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
