Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
