ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
