i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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