Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize