so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize