Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Small penises have feelings too.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
