I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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