if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
