you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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