Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
