I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
