He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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