This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
