i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
