So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
