they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize