dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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