Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
