his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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