when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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