I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
