your room smells of hookers.
And success
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
