Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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