i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
