i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Welp...herpes.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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