handjob tips. give me some.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
