It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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