She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
