We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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