i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
