you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
