They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
