My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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