pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
