with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
