His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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