He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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