So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
