so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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