Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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