He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
