i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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