There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
