I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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