Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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