happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
