she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
