Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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