I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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