He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
