I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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