I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
