it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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