my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this is an emotional support booty call
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
