nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
