I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They took my balls.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
