The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am one with the molecules
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
