Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
God I need to hump something, right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize