She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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